“Everything is biographical, Lucian Freud says. What we make, why it is made, how we draw a dog, who it is we are drawn to, why we cannot forget. Everything is collage, even genetics. There is the hidden presence of others in us, even those we have known briefly. We contain them for the rest of our lives, at every border we cross.”—Michael Ondaatje, from Divisadero (with thanks to growing-orbits)
We can have discussions until the end of time about how women are put into hetero romantic roles far too often in media and how often this is done in an extremely problematic and sexist way. We can also talk about how there need to be more romance-free women and more types of relationships between women and men, women and other women, etc. in media. These are valid and important discussions.
But don’t you ever condemn a woman or think less of her just because her feelings for a male character happen to be romantic. And don’t you ever think a character is so much greater because she doesn’t fall in love with anyone in the narrative.
Mako Mori would not suddenly become less feminist if she had snogged Raleigh on the mouth at the end of the film. Donna Noble wants to stay with the Doctor because she loves adventuring and because she platonically loves him, but this doesn’t make her more feminist than Rose Tyler who wants to stay with him because she loves adventuring and because she loves him romantically.
A romance plotline can be written in a way that demeans the woman involved and presents them in an extremely sexist manner, and this is sadly very common.
But the idea of a woman falling in love or not falling in love, whichever way it goes, has no bearing on her value as a character. And by behaving as if it does, not only are you implying that women who fall in love are lesser, but that a female character’s value really IS determined by their relationship (or lack there of) to a male character.
1. HORMONES MAKE TEAR PRODUCTION HARDER FOR MEN, EASIER FOR WOMEN.
Think men don’t cry as often because they’re “strong” or lack emotion? Well, you can’t cry if you don’t have the tears to do it. Before puberty, girls and boys cry in equal amounts, and for pretty much the exact same reasons. When puberty hits and we get our hormones on (testosterone for the fellas and prolactin for ladies), our ability to PRODUCE tears changes. Testosterone may inhibit tear production in men, while prolactin actually makes crying easier (and encourages it) for women. Though the experience of feeling emotion may be exactly the same between the sexes, men’s bodies are simply less likely to produce tears as a response (while women’s bodies may produce them automatically, especially in response to stress). This hormonal difference also means that in situations where men & women BEGIN to cry, men may be able to shut down the reflex more easily, whereas women may have a much harder time holding them back. Women with especially high prolactin levels (preggers, post-preggers, hormonally imbalance like me, etc) may find they can cry almost indefinitely when emotions run high. I call it “leaking”, lol. In general, women are QUEENS of the “good, long cry”. Women may produce more tears than normal when depressed/anxious because of higher levels of tear producing stress hormone.
For men trying to understand a female cry response, it’s kind of like a boner for your eyeballs: sometimes it happens for no reason and you can’t shut it off right away EVEN when you desperately wanna. That’s not to say women are emotionally irrational or somehow unable to function when crying: we just have a physical response to emotion that makes us more likely to express it with tears. Tears (or lack of tears) are also NOT an indicator of depth of feeling or lack of emotion: a man can be devastated and simply be unable to produce tears (or will produce just a few). A woman can be mildly upset or stressed and cry whole heartedly.
Speaking as a transman who has started testosterone, this is absolutely true. I would start crying much more easily pre-t and now it’s damnably hard to start, especially in situations where I just want a good cry like I used to.
Afternoonified A society word meaning “smart.” Forrester demonstrates the usage: “The goods are not ‘afternoonified’ enough for me.”
Arfarfan’arf A figure of speech used to describe drunken men. “He’s very arf’arf’an’arf,” Forrester writes, “meaning he has had many ‘arfs,’” or half-pints of booze.
Back slang it Thieves used this term to indicate that they wanted “to go out the back way.”
Bags o’ Mystery An 1850 term for sausages, “because no man but the maker knows what is in them. … The ‘bag’ refers to the gut which contained the chopped meat.”
Bang up to the elephant This phrase originated in London in 1882, and means “perfect, complete, unapproachable.”
Batty-fang Low London phrase meaning “to thrash thoroughly,” possibly from the French battre a fin.
Benjo Nineteenth century sailor slang for “A riotous holiday, a noisy day in the streets.”
Bow wow mutton A naval term referring to meat so bad “it might be dog flesh.”
Bricky Brave or fearless. “Adroit after the manner of a brick,” Forrester writes, “said even of the other sex, ‘What a bricky girl she is.’”
Bubble Around A verbal attack, generally made via the press. Forrester cites The Golden Butterfly: “I will back a first-class British subject for bubbling around against all humanity.”
Butter Upon Bacon Extravagance. Too much extravagance. “Are you going to put lace over the feather, isn’t that rather butter upon bacon?”
Cat-lap A London society term for tea and coffee “used scornfully by drinkers of beer and strong waters … in club-life is one of the more ignominious names given to champagne by men who prefer stronger liquors.”
Church-bell A talkative woman.
Chuckaboo A nickname given to a close friend.
Collie shangles Quarrels. A term from Queen Victoria’s journal, More Leaves , published in 1884: “At five minutes to eleven rode off with Beatrice, good Sharp going with us, and having occasional collie shangles (a Scotch word for quarrels or rows, but taken from fights between dogs) with collies when we came near cottages.”
Cop a Mouse To get a black eye. “Cop in this sense is to catch or suffer,” Forrester writers, “while the colour of the obligation at its worst suggests the colour and size of the innocent animal named.”
Daddles A delightful way to refer to your rather boring hands.
Damfino This creative cuss is a contraction of “damned if I know.”
Dizzy Age A phrase meaning “elderly,” because it “makes the spectator giddy to think of the victim’s years.” The term is usually refers to “a maiden or other woman canvassed by other maiden ladies or others.”
Doing the Bear “Courting that involves hugging.”
Don’t sell me a dog Popular until 1870, this phrase meant “Don’t lie to me!” Apparently, people who sold dogs back in the day were prone to trying to pass off mutts as purebreds.
Door-knocker A type of beard “formed by the cheeks and chin being shaved leaving a chain of hair under the chin, and upon each side of mouth forming with moustache something like a door-knocker.”
Enthuzimuzzy “Satirical reference to enthusiasm.” Created by Braham the terror, whoever that is.
Fifteen puzzle Not the game you might be familiar with, but a term meaning complete and absolute confusion.
Fly rink An 1875 term for a polished bald head.
Gal-sneaker An 1870 term for “a man devoted to seduction.”
Gas-Pipes A term for especially tight pants.
Gigglemug “An habitually smiling face.”
Got the morbs Use of this 1880 phrase indicated temporary melancholy.
Half-rats Partially intoxicated.
Jammiest bits of jam “Absolutely perfect young females,” circa 1883.
Kruger-spoof Lying, from 1896.
Mad as Hops Excitable.
Mafficking An excellent word that means getting rowdy in the streets.
Make a stuffed bird laugh “Absolutely preposterous.”
Meater A street term meaning coward.
Mind the Grease When walking or otherwise getting around, you could ask people to let you pass, please. Or you could ask them to mind the grease, which meant the same thing to Victorians.
Mutton Shunter This 1883 term for a policeman is so much better than “pig.”
Nanty Narking A tavern term, popular from 1800 to 1840, that meant great fun.
Nose bagger Someone who takes a day trip to the beach. He brings his own provisions and doesn’t contribute at all to the resort he’s visiting.
Not up to Dick Not well.
Orf chump No appetite.
Parish Pick-Axe A prominent nose.
Podsnappery This term, Forrester writers, describes a person with a “wilful determination to ignore the objectionable or inconvenient, at the same time assuming airs of superior virtue and noble resignation.”
Poked Up Embarrassed.
Powdering Hair An 18th century tavern term that means “getting drunk.”
Rain Napper An umbrella.
Sauce-box The mouth.
Shake a flannin Why say you’re going to fight when you could say you’re going to shake a flannin instead?
Shoot into the brown To fail. According to Forrester, “The phrase takes its rise from rifle practice, where the queer shot misses the black and white target altogether, and shoots into the brown i.e., the earth butt.”
Skilamalink Secret, shady, doubtful.
Smothering a Parrot Drinking a glass of absinthe neat; named for the green color of the booze.
Suggestionize A legal term from 1889 meaning “to prompt.”
Take the Egg To win.
Umble-cum-stumble According to Forrester, this low class phrase means “thoroughly understood.”
Whooperups A term meaning “inferior, noisy singers” that could be used liberally today during karaoke sessions.
gays are not “just as human as the rest of us”. we are powerful centuries-old omniscient celestial beings hell-bent on revenge upon and utter decimation of the heterosexuals and turning this entire planet Gay For Real
It’s time for our yearly census! World Government is asking all whom identify as a Night Vale Resident to reblog this! This research will help make wonderful happenings in our lovely town. World Government thanks you for your cooperation!
Remember that intimate conversation you had with your son? The one where you said, “I love you and I need you to know that no matter how a woman dresses or acts, it is not an invitation to cat call, taunt, harass or assault her”?
Or when you told your son, “A woman’s virginity isn’t a prize and sleeping with a woman doesn’t earn you a point”?
How about the heart-to-heart where you lovingly conferred the legal knowledge that “a woman doesn’t have to be fighting you and you don’t have to be pinning her down for it to be RAPE. Intoxication means she can’t legally consent, NOT that she’s an easy score.”
Or maybe you recall sharing my personal favorite, “Your sexual experiences don’t dictate your worth just like a woman’s sexual experiences don’t dictate hers.”
Last but not least, do you remember calling your son out when you discovered he was using the word “slut” liberally? Or when you overheard him talking about some girl from school as if she were more of a conquest than a person?
I want you to consider these conversations and then ask yourself why you don’t remember them. The likely reason is because you didn’t have them. In fact, most parents haven’t had them.
personally i don’t understand any animosity between hufflepuffs and slytherins because they both share the trait of being unconditionally loyal to their friends. just so happens that the former will stay up all night helping their friends study for an exam and the latter will procure their friends a copy of the answers
When the Ninth Doctor first asked Rose to travel through time with him and refused, the Doctor accepted that and moved on. He traveled through space and time, saving the universe, all lonely for years thinking “I wish Rose could have been here.” Eventually, he goes back to a few seconds after he left Rose and says “By the way, did I mention it also travels in time?”
Rose never knew how long the Doctor waited for her.
I think this makes sense. In the episode Rose you see all those photos of Nine at the assassination of Kennedy and at the Titanic (on his own). But also in that episode he’s checking his reflection in the mirror like he’s seeing it for the first time, so he can’t have been long regenerated. So maybe he does all that stuff in the time before he comes back and says “Did I mention, it also travels in time?”
which makes that line even more powerful because this time he would really want her to say yes, because he knows what it’s like without her.
What’s interesting are the events the Doctor (theoretically) chose to visit during that time between when Rose (theoretically) first said no, and when he returned to extend the invitation a second time. Nine was photographed/drawn near the Titanic, Krakatoa, and the Kennedy assassination. All horrible catastrophes with tragic loss of life, all catastrophes that caused profound change in human history, catastrophes that (if Pompeii and Bowie Base One are anything to go by), would likely qualify as fixed points in time.
This leads me to believe that the Doctor was nearly in the throes a Time Lord Victorious breakdown as a result of the Time War and Rose’s rejection. He was dancing around the edges of these fixed points, likely looking for a way to save lives and prove to himself that he wasn’t a vile person. To prove to himself he could make a difference.
To prove to himself that he’s worthy of having someone brave and clever like Rose as a companion.
And Nine (obviously) doesn’t save Kennedy’s life or stop the eruption of Krakatoa, but in the episode “Rose” we find out he DOES save one family originally scheduled to travel on the Titanic by convincing them to delay their trip. A small measure of redemption.
Enough so that the Doctor summons the courage to return to that dark London sidewalk and casually lean out the door of his TARDIS like no time had passed at all, like he hadn’t been scrabbling in the wake of Rose’s rejection. And then he said the words he’d practiced alone in his console room dozens of times, with the exact amount of calculated swagger he’d rehearsed: “By the way, did I mention it also travels in time?”
i have an idea in my head where thor is just like. painfully incapable of being cissexist.
like some transphobic reporter asks him abt his sexuality and he’s “i have been attracted to many of your midgardian genders” and “what” and “my current paramor is genderqueer” “are they male or female” “they are neither of those two genders, that is what i have just said!” “oh well what were they born as" "oh no, dear friend, u appear to be confusing genderqueer with genderfluid! the lady mystique assures me that these are two very different things, [extremely extended explanation]"
oh my gosh yes
"but what are they biologically?”
"…they are human."
oh my god
"But what is between their legs?!"
"That is not of your concern, but on a good day, myself!"